


Homemade Jambalaya

by RaiofSunshine



Series: Valastor Week SFW [5]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Cannibal Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Cannibal Valentino, Cooking, Established Relationship, Flirting, Fluff, M/M, Murder Husbands, non-graphic cannibalism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25838365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaiofSunshine/pseuds/RaiofSunshine
Summary: Valentino just won't stop getting in the way of a good homecooked meal.
Relationships: Alastor/Valentino (Hazbin Hotel)
Series: Valastor Week SFW [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868932
Comments: 11
Kudos: 51





	Homemade Jambalaya

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5: "Cooking"

Bubbling laughter softened a chiding tone, "Dear, it's so much harder to cook with you hanging off me."

The skyscraping moth had all four arms wrapped around the sinner trying to slice at the counter. Chuckle tickling a soft deer ear, he grinned. "It makes it a challenge, Bambi~"

"I think the real challenge would be to not accidentally knick you."

The tolerated hindrance snorted, "I mean...as long as ya kiss and make it better, of course."

His lover stilled the knife to look over his shoulder. "I don't need to cut you to kiss you, now do I?" Batting his eyes, he tilted his head just so in invitation.

The deer demon's nose scrunched when the pimp purposely skipped over his lips to place a fond kiss on his forehead. "Expectin' somethin' else~?"

Turning back to the task at hand, he let out the cutest huff of air. "No. I would never expect you to stop teasing me."

The grumpiness brought a twinkle to the honey gaze the large moth had for his willing prisoner. Nuzzling the spot between the silky-furred ears, he hummed thoughtfully while watching skilled hands cut strips of meat for the waiting pan.

"...I love ya, Bambi."

"Imagine if all of Hell knew what a complete sap you were, darling." His voice lilted at the amusing suggestion.

"But, Al baby, the whole world already knows I can't live without ya."

The comment made the buck cock his head, confusion scrawled in the furrow of his brow. "How? We agreed to be inconspic-" His sentence was cut off with a gentle touch of mouth to his, the gesture starting off sweet and mild, but transforming as seconds ticked on, lips melding together sensually.

Alastor was turned in the many arms so their bodies were flush with one another, hearts pounding noticeably in chests. Minutes crawled on languidly before they felt comfortable to release the kiss, hot breaths mixing in the space between their faces.

"Ya my whole world...from when I wake up, to when I close my eyes, and every moment otherwise…"

Burying his face into the overly-familiar coat, the cardinal sinner inhaled the scent that always clung to it, spiced and relaxing. He murmured into its fabric, "...incorrigible."

"Ya love it. Don't lie, baby boy~"

"You aren't going to get  _ any _ jambalaya tonight if you keep misbehaving." Alastor glanced up from his hiding spot, doing his very best to glare with meaning.

Holding up four claws in surrender, Valentino snickered softly while backing up from the radio expert. He knew when not to push his luck. "That'd be a real shame, twitchy tail. I went to all the trouble of findin' ya the best cattle."

"While that may be so, I need to get as much of the muscle off before rigor mortis sets in." He turned back around to reacquire his tool of culinary destruction.

"Then why'd ya stop to make dinner?"

The knife was pointed in accusation at the lech, Alastor giving him a raised eyebrow in challenge. "Maybe you shouldn't have whined about being hungry."

Crossing his arms, the moth in question grumbled, "Well, I  _ was _ . I hadn't ate since ya made breakfast this mornin'."

"Whose fault is that, hmmm~?"

"...I coulda gone and picked up McDante's for the both of us."

That made the cook swing around, blade moving dangerously as he gesticulated. "Absolutely not! I will not have you ruining your health with those greasy, fattening sandwiches!"

Valentino was only able to successfully hide the grinning burst of laughter so long, before he was clutching the antlered darling of his close. "Ya know I'll take ya cookin' over their salty shit anyday."

"Hmph. So you say." Lifting his chin in stubborn defiance, Alastor appeared immune to the compliment. Except that his tail was visibly going wild. 

Furry appendage, practically begging for attention, was molested without hesitation. In a fit of whimpering bliss, the cutlery was dropped to the kitchen floor, the previous wielder squirming desperately.

"Ya not gettin' away so easy, Al baby~"

Claws grabbed hold of writhing hips, keeping Alastor from escaping the torturous affection. Mewling uncontrollably, the victim in red's smile wobbled and wavered as he scrambled in his tormenter's clutches.

"V-V-Valentino! U-Unhand me!" Tears born from overstimulation sprang to his eyes. In his hurry to get away, Alastor knocked the contents of the counter off, carved up limb falling to unsanitary kitchen tiles.

A hush blanketed the couple as they stared at the now-filthy piece of fresh meat, rings glinting from the fingers that were no longer needed.

Valentino instantly stilled, eyes wide with fear. "Fuck, Bambi, I'm sorry-"

A single finger was pressed to his finger, shushing his attempts at an apology. Instead, the words that filled the void were like a death sentence to his melodramatic heart.

"One month. On the couch. You food-wasting heathen."


End file.
